AMERICA'S ART PHILOSOPHER: Nightly Noodle Monthly
Yes And No.

Yes means yes and no means no.
But sometimes, sometimes oftentimes, no means yes and yes means no and everyone is holding back and waiting for a mind reader or subtle gesture/micro flash expression expert to make us feel understood. 
A half yes/half no isn’t always perfectly half.
All life hangs in the delicate balance of yeses and nos. 
A no can be a yes in the ear of one person yet remain a no in the mouth if the other.
I can hear the neighbor talking on the phone next door and realize, yes - he definitely heard me and John yelling “faggot” all night at the top of our lungs.

Yes And No.

Yes means yes and no means no.
But sometimes, sometimes oftentimes, no means yes and yes means no and everyone is holding back and waiting for a mind reader or subtle gesture/micro flash expression expert to make us feel understood.
A half yes/half no isn’t always perfectly half.
All life hangs in the delicate balance of yeses and nos.
A no can be a yes in the ear of one person yet remain a no in the mouth if the other.
I can hear the neighbor talking on the phone next door and realize, yes - he definitely heard me and John yelling “faggot” all night at the top of our lungs.

Why Do I Celebrate Columbus Day?

by Mike Smith

Why do I celebrate Columbus Day?

Well, aside from it being the festive climax of and the reason for the whole Columbus season, I suppose you could say I appreciate the friendly reminder it provides me to stop for a moment, slow down, and remember all that Columbus did for us.

When Columbus was growing up in Nazareth with Jesus, for instance, it was, of course, Columbus who taught Jesus how to fly. “Look into your heart,” he told his best friend Jesus, it says in The Bible. “The power to fly is in your heart.”

In medieval England, Columbus arrived just in time on a magic carpet and saved King Arthur from being killed by Merlin the Wizard who had eaten a poisonous mushroom and gone crazy and begun attacking everyone with wand blasts, pulling Arthur up to safety without a second to spare.

And later, when World War II was in full swing, it was a quietly whispered word from Columbus that caused Hitler to leave the battlefield, gather his thoughts, and commit suicide.

But that’s all history though, of course.

I suppose the real reason Columbus Day is important to me is a personal one. I suppose it has to do with a morning in Tempe, Arizona, in 1984, when, as a five-year-old boy, I was trying to teach myself to skip on the sidewalk in front of my parents’ house—trying, and failing—failing, and failing badly.

Near tears, I was just moments from giving up forever, when a strange but gentle-looking man appeared nearby me, clad in a filthy black captain’s hat and black smock made of some sort of filthy oilcloth. He mumbled some words to me in what I think was Italian, pointed at the different parts of my legs, pantomimed a graceful skipping motion, and then—suddenly—I just understood everything. In a flash, skipping just made sense, and I went skipping down the road, transformed.

Since that day, I’ve never missed a Columbus Day. Since that day, I always light the Columbus candles. Since that day, I always wear my Columbus-style under-belt. And since that day, wherever I go, I skip…and I skip with Columbus in my heart.

Order Your Albuquerque Baboon Fiesta Shirts/Prints Here!

likeafieldmouse:

Frank Hallam Day - Ship Hulls (published 2011)

Artist Eva Avenue

Artist Eva Avenue

The New Face of American Politics


by Eva Avenue

"Shit," said artist bradford from Albuquerque. "They’re just like the old faces."

And then went on to explain:

"I could never afford to buy a politician so I decided to make my own. This body of work is titled The New Face of American Politics, the irony being that the faces I created don’t look any different from the those currently in office."

The works are composites, constructed from publicly available portraits of sitting congressmen and senators freely available on Wikipedia and the individual official’s websites.

All to say this doesn’t seem like much of a revolution if it’s the revolution.

"Same shit, just a different pile."

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When Did The Manhattan Bridge Bike Lane Turn Into Nazi Germany?

by Eva Avenue and Drew Anthony

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I went to bed Tuesday at 6:28 in the morning and woke up at 10:30 am, against all power my sleeping body threw my way to keep me sleeping in the bed.

No, I fought back. I must wear a fabulous black and white shirt. I must meet Drew at the bus station when it gets in or I am a bad friend, plus it will be so fun. We knew each other as kids and now he’s in this sick band Sonic Graffiti.

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“It was like an acid trip hell cartoon,” Drew Anthony said after he got off the 24-hour Chinatown bus-ride from Florida to New York. “The woman beating her kids the whole trip, the lady throwing up, people screaming on their cell phones in Chinese till four in the morning.”

 We decided to walk from Chinatown to the Rough Trade record store in Brooklyn via the Manhattan Bridge on foot.

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We didn’t see any signs saying one side of the bridge was a bike-only side and that the other side of the bridge was for walking, but we wouldn’t have thought anything of it anyway since there weren’t enough bicyclists to warrant  concern we might be making a mistake.

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The first guy who yelled at us was like, “Wrong side, fucking idiots, you’re going to cause a fucking accident, you fucking morons!”

"He was obviously an aging middle aged fat old bitter man who never took a chance on his dreams," Drew observed. "Never got to fuck all the girls he wanted to, and never took the chances that he missed out on and now he’s blinded by bitterness on the Brooklyn bridge.

"WHAT are you DOING??" another guy yelled later on as he effortlessly glided around us and there was no one in the way of anything and no problem whatsoever. He just could not BELIEVE we were on the OTHER side of the bridge!

 I remember back when bicyclists just wanted to be acknowledged by cars in traffic. Share the lane! they cried. Bicyclists have a right to be here! Bikes are people too! And now they scream at pedestrians like they’re cattle. 

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Well, I totally get it. I feel like shoving people off a cliff too when I’m walking behind a slow pedestrian, which is every single one of them. MOVE IT LADY!! I mean, I’m not a monster, but it’s like people just refusing to use their life energy to propel themselves forward.  

Lazy hogs.

Eva Ave. taking a House of the Rising Sun break from writing about a painter in the kitchen, wearin a shirt straight from Google HQ and her lil brother’s boxers.

In Brooklyn, NY.

Orthodox Jewish Men Do Get Hot Under Those Black Suits

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by Eva Avenue

Since moving to Brooklyn, I’ve seen a thousand Hasidic Jewish men walking around in hot summer wearing black dress pants, a long overcoat, a wide-brimmed black hat all the time, everywhere and everyday. The nice ones are made of silk. My first thought, after the other first thought of how cool they all look walking around in a uniform harkening back to memories of Vaudeville performers and Charlie Chaplin while on the other hand looking very elegant and beautiful, I would think damn they must be hot under there and do they get red heat rashes all over their body??.

So I asked Shamuel Kamensky (Sam for short), who works at a coffee shop in the Crown Heights neighborhood, where I reside as well. Sam comes from Hasidic roots and used to wear the black suit.

Nightly Noodle Monthly: Is it a thing that they get very hot under their suits in the summer?

Sam: Yes, people get very, very sweltering hot. Not only that but the customary wear that the yeshiva students wear is the white button-down shirt, black pants, black jacket and a black cowboy hat kind of thing but that is very,very hot. They’re always encouraged to wear the suit jacket and the hat in the streets wherever they go in order to publicize their religion and to sanctify God’s name and in the process some will definitely be very, very hot.

             Speaking from personal experience, I was very hot. I used to wear that stuff too in the summer but I don’t anymore. It wasn’t a big deal, honestly. If it was too hot, I’d take my jacket off and put it on my arm. But still, people definitely feel pressured to keep it on in the streets and it’s positively encouraged to wear it

Is it common for them to get heat rashes all over their bodies from the heat of wearing these suits all day in the sun?

Never got heat rash; there was one case, there’s this thing called spiritual outreach, you’re “living Chabad,” they do outreach all over the world. One time they were doing it in Arizona and it was 115 degrees and there were teenagers/ maybe 20-year-olds and they called up their rabbi and he gave them an exception and they were allowed to take off their hat and jacket. They said they were getting overheated and dehydrated.

What if they go down into the Grand Canyon, are they encouraged to wear their dress?

I’m not going to stereotype here, but those kinds of people aren’t outdoors people. But some are, there are some. They also wear white strings as an undergarment, it’s called tzitzit. Even when they’re hiking, they’re wearing that and it’s made out of wool. And they always have to wear the yamaca.

 Photo altered from Darren Green’s original.

And that’s the word from the Nightly Noodle Monthly!

A Letter To People Living In America Who Are Not Americans On The 4th of July

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Dear Y’all~

 What does the 4th of July mean to Americans anyway?

What’s behind the fireworks, the face paint, the barbecues, the red, white and blue cakes? What are we thinking about when we hold each other close on picnic blankets and watch things explode in the night sky? Do we dream that night about the beauty of War?

You might be here to escape war in your own country; you might be here cause you got a wild hair up your heart and decided to hop ship across some waves cause you felt alive, cause you’re an explorer. Maybe you’re a masochist. You might be here cause you fell in love and she seduced you across the pond; maybe your airplane crashed in the fields of Ohio while you were dreaming of Japan.

Is it a celebration of freedom from the struggle for survival? Some kind of nationwide thumbs up at one another because we continue to be more free than everyone else in the world; that our freedom is more explosive and crosses all cultural divides within our own citizenry? We are free to gorge ourselves on fatty food and blow things up with a sort of underlying indisputable patriotic dignity. It is a celebration of narcissism but a narcissism we all enjoy.

In summation, God is watching you in the bedroom. Is God with you every time you partake in sexual intercourse? Have you written a letter to God and asked him for permission in advance? Divine consensual intercourse is safer and more satisfying than any other, so before you consummate make sure God is ready and willing to watch.

 

God bless America,

Eva Avenue, Allison Zajac & Justin Piñero

Want To Hear Something Weird?

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Otto Dicpetris: hey want to hear something weird?

(Yes)
Otto: so did you know that Sean Roman kid
(The name didn’t ring a bell but I’d probably seen his face before)
Otto: crazy punk kid. he lived with me years ago but any way
 today when i got on facebook 
to spend the whole day looking at pictures of myself fake smiling
facebook said to me
"you should like ‘St. Pete’s Day of the Dead’"
because Sean Roman liked it
Sean Roman was 28
and he died last night from a heart attack
kinda weird, huh?
RIP Sean Roman

hifructosemag:

Maki Ohkojima’s elaborate paintings explore the imagination. See more on Hi-Fructose.

Pawel Nolbert

Atypical

"The Philosopher" by Eva Avenue

"The Philosopher" by Eva Avenue