NIGHTLY NOODLE MONTHLY: America's art philosopher
When Did The Manhattan Bridge Bike Lane Turn Into Nazi Germany?

by Eva Avenue and Drew Anthony

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I went to bed Tuesday at 6:28 in the morning and woke up at 10:30 am, against all power my sleeping body threw my way to keep me sleeping in the bed.

No, I fought back. I must wear a fabulous black and white shirt. I must meet Drew at the bus station when it gets in or I am a bad friend, plus it will be so fun. We knew each other as kids and now he’s in this sick band Sonic Graffiti.

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“It was like an acid trip hell cartoon,” Drew Anthony said after he got off the 24-hour Chinatown bus-ride from Florida to New York. “The woman beating her kids the whole trip, the lady throwing up, people screaming on their cell phones in Chinese till four in the morning.”

 We decided to walk from Chinatown to the Rough Trade record store in Brooklyn via the Manhattan Bridge on foot.

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We didn’t see any signs saying one side of the bridge was a bike-only side and that the other side of the bridge was for walking, but we wouldn’t have thought anything of it anyway since there weren’t enough bicyclists to warrant  concern we might be making a mistake.

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The first guy who yelled at us was like, “Wrong side, fucking idiots, you’re going to cause a fucking accident, you fucking morons!”

"He was obviously an aging middle aged fat old bitter man who never took a chance on his dreams," Drew observed. "Never got to fuck all the girls he wanted to, and never took the chances that he missed out on and now he’s blinded by bitterness on the Brooklyn bridge.

"WHAT are you DOING??" another guy yelled later on as he effortlessly glided around us and there was no one in the way of anything and no problem whatsoever. He just could not BELIEVE we were on the OTHER side of the bridge!

 I remember back when bicyclists just wanted to be acknowledged by cars in traffic. Share the lane! they cried. Bicyclists have a right to be here! Bikes are people too! And now they scream at pedestrians like they’re cattle. 

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Well, I totally get it. I feel like shoving people off a cliff too when I’m walking behind a slow pedestrian, which is every single one of them. MOVE IT LADY!! I mean, I’m not a monster, but it’s like people just refusing to use their life energy to propel themselves forward.  

Lazy hogs.

Eva Ave. taking a House of the Rising Sun break from writing about a painter in the kitchen, wearin a shirt straight from Google HQ and her lil brother’s boxers.

In Brooklyn, NY.

Orthodox Jewish Men Do Get Hot Under Those Black Suits

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by Eva Avenue

Since moving to Brooklyn, I’ve seen a thousand Hasidic Jewish men walking around in hot summer wearing black dress pants, a long overcoat, a wide-brimmed black hat all the time, everywhere and everyday. The nice ones are made of silk. My first thought, after the other first thought of how cool they all look walking around in a uniform harkening back to memories of Vaudeville performers and Charlie Chaplin while on the other hand looking very elegant and beautiful, I would think damn they must be hot under there and do they get red heat rashes all over their body??.

So I asked Shamuel Kamensky (Sam for short), who works at a coffee shop in the Crown Heights neighborhood, where I reside as well. Sam comes from Hasidic roots and used to wear the black suit.

Nightly Noodle Monthly: Is it a thing that they get very hot under their suits in the summer?

Sam: Yes, people get very, very sweltering hot. Not only that but the customary wear that the yeshiva students wear is the white button-down shirt, black pants, black jacket and a black cowboy hat kind of thing but that is very,very hot. They’re always encouraged to wear the suit jacket and the hat in the streets wherever they go in order to publicize their religion and to sanctify God’s name and in the process some will definitely be very, very hot.

             Speaking from personal experience, I was very hot. I used to wear that stuff too in the summer but I don’t anymore. It wasn’t a big deal, honestly. If it was too hot, I’d take my jacket off and put it on my arm. But still, people definitely feel pressured to keep it on in the streets and it’s positively encouraged to wear it

Is it common for them to get heat rashes all over their bodies from the heat of wearing these suits all day in the sun?

Never got heat rash; there was one case, there’s this thing called spiritual outreach, you’re “living Chabad,” they do outreach all over the world. One time they were doing it in Arizona and it was 115 degrees and there were teenagers/ maybe 20-year-olds and they called up their rabbi and he gave them an exception and they were allowed to take off their hat and jacket. They said they were getting overheated and dehydrated.

What if they go down into the Grand Canyon, are they encouraged to wear their dress?

I’m not going to stereotype here, but those kinds of people aren’t outdoors people. But some are, there are some. They also wear white strings as an undergarment, it’s called tzitzit. Even when they’re hiking, they’re wearing that and it’s made out of wool. And they always have to wear the yamaca.

 Photo altered from Darren Green’s original.

And that’s the word from the Nightly Noodle Monthly!

A Letter To People Living In America Who Are Not Americans On The 4th of July

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Dear Y’all~

 What does the 4th of July mean to Americans anyway?

What’s behind the fireworks, the face paint, the barbecues, the red, white and blue cakes? What are we thinking about when we hold each other close on picnic blankets and watch things explode in the night sky? Do we dream that night about the beauty of War?

You might be here to escape war in your own country; you might be here cause you got a wild hair up your heart and decided to hop ship across some waves cause you felt alive, cause you’re an explorer. Maybe you’re a masochist. You might be here cause you fell in love and she seduced you across the pond; maybe your airplane crashed in the fields of Ohio while you were dreaming of Japan.

Is it a celebration of freedom from the struggle for survival? Some kind of nationwide thumbs up at one another because we continue to be more free than everyone else in the world; that our freedom is more explosive and crosses all cultural divides within our own citizenry? We are free to gorge ourselves on fatty food and blow things up with a sort of underlying indisputable patriotic dignity. It is a celebration of narcissism but a narcissism we all enjoy.

In summation, God is watching you in the bedroom. Is God with you every time you partake in sexual intercourse? Have you written a letter to God and asked him for permission in advance? Divine consensual intercourse is safer and more satisfying than any other, so before you consummate make sure God is ready and willing to watch.

 

God bless America,

Eva Avenue, Allison Zajac & Justin Piñero

Want To Hear Something Weird?

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Otto Dicpetris: hey want to hear something weird?

(Yes)
Otto: so did you know that Sean Roman kid
(The name didn’t ring a bell but I’d probably seen his face before)
Otto: crazy punk kid. he lived with me years ago but any way
 today when i got on facebook 
to spend the whole day looking at pictures of myself fake smiling
facebook said to me
"you should like ‘St. Pete’s Day of the Dead’"
because Sean Roman liked it
Sean Roman was 28
and he died last night from a heart attack
kinda weird, huh?
RIP Sean Roman

hifructosemag:

Maki Ohkojima’s elaborate paintings explore the imagination. See more on Hi-Fructose.

Pawel Nolbert

Atypical

"The Philosopher" by Eva Avenue

"The Philosopher" by Eva Avenue

St. Pete, FL. Where art is.

St. Pete, FL. Where art is.

What Am I Doing With My Life?

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by Eva Avenue

I don’t know what I’m doing, but to whom do I owe a definite plan anyway?

I’m going to NY in June cause a film for which I co-composed the music will be in a festival in Brooklyn; last month it won the Audience Award in Boston. A zen monk and an art writer both suggested I just stay in NY and make it happen with some paint and a dream.

My main pull was to move back to New Orleans. Someone else wants me back in Albuquerque. I could just stay in St. Pete. I wish I could fly around the Far East with Willy and the camera. 

I should meditate. I should help lift the human spirit. I should get a driver’s license and drink more water.

Life is a series of “I should”’s.

For everything else, there’s cigar box guitar solos.

photo by Daniel Peebles

GRAND THEFT PONY: Adventures in American Psychology

Editor’s note: The following article stemmed from the content in the following screenshot~

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by Zachary Fredell  

           How does a man get busted  for a childhood enthusiasm for My Little Ponies and criminal thought patterns in adulthood all at once? His mother is on facebook. Herein we examine how acting on behaviors learned on-screen affect Americas youth, both young and old, and take a slight interest in keeping our moms disconnected from what’s really going on in our heads.

            I am definitely a person who likes to put in my two cents whenever I think they will get me a ride on the proverbial pony, whether literally at the grocery store on the kids ride and figuratively. So when I saw my friend discussing how watching My Little Ponies (MLP)  was being re-popularized by a show called “Bronies“, and how its moral value was < (greater than) the violent criminal insanity of Grand Theft Auto 5 I found myself weighing in for the latter. Of course my mother immediately caught me for being a former MLP fan as a child. I saw the makings of a perfectly disastrous metaphor. I saw my childhood flash before my eyes, and I was left only wondering shamefully how I’d become such a violent narcissist.

                It was a perfect day in the basement for Americas youth: school was over and My Little Ponies (MLP) was playing on the TV set. Parents always ask you what you learned in school today but that response had become automatic, what was more important was TV cartoon lessons. The world was made up of animals that talked, rainbows, shimmering streams, and magical adventure. We knew that had to be the case. Fast forward us 15 years and things have changed. The TV is interactive and moms not checking to see what’s on it anymore, the ponies are prostitutes and the adventure is murdering them. Some would say this is the natural progression from childhood to adulthood, but I‘m not convinced.

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            This weekend talking with an old friend I realized Grand Theft Auto (GTA) has rewritten our subconscious minds. We had probably never imagined that we would think of or consider any of these criminal and felony behaviors seriously, but there we sat, talking as if these acts had become commonplace in our daily thoughts. So what happened to our magical dreams of yesteryear? ‘Merica has the answer.

            We can’t even realistically be held accountable for all of this complex criminal activity. These thoughts have become like archetypes of our generation, every group in the world is operating as  a mafias of various size. Our own government already transmitting to the world en masse a message of drugs, free sex, and endless war. The truth about how the screens were writing our subconscious minds had become self-evident in what we were willing to accept.            

            The average 12 year old now knows what meth is, and that if you want to rob a bank you need a gunman, a hacker, and a getaway driver with sufficient skills on your team because he played that mission in the single player campaign. “I’m in love with a  stripper” was a hit with fourth graders in its hayday, and kids were carrying pistols and shooting up schools. So how is all of this relevant you might ask?

            As Americans have consistently lost more control of their childrens media consumption we have all come to live in a world where thinking about these things is commonplace, and desensitization to horrid acts is the norm. What used to pass as completely unacceptable to be showing: sex, violence, negative and improper behaviours in public, these things had become the fabric of so much of what the media pumps out. Most peoples personalities are not strongly individuated in most groups, and they are imprinted strongly by these images.

            Now what do statistics show? Gun violence is down in countries where GTA is played regularly. I’m not one to directly correlate something that abstract because many other factors could be involved, but I leave room for the possibility. Maybe the human condition is that we all have these violent thoughts, and our answer has become acting them out in a fantasy world. We know that occasionally random acts of dramatic violence claim multiple lives in tragic sagas that no one seems capable of stopping. And what is the American majority’s answer to that? More guns! So they may be onto something, maybe its true that doing the opposite of what seems logical can be the smart way…….wait which way did that ball fall, up? Anyone who will tell you that constantly subjecting a small child to video sequences of mass shootings will be likely to help him avoid acting those out in real life is living in a world without gravity. 

            Of course everything I’m writing about depends on parents, right? Not really, as we all know if its out there children will get into it, find it, experience it somehow. And yet I am not an advocate of a censorship society, moreso I want to focus on what our media output and consumption means about our society as a whole. If the most enjoyable thing at the end of the day for adults aged 8-35 is to commit virtual felonies in an armed free-for-all doesn’t that mean we have some pent up angst, depression, suppressed rage, or societal discontent? 

            This constant controlled grind we live in is a fantasy created by the temporary domination of a violent empire. We’ve been taught more than anything that might makes right firstly and secondly that if it makes money its ok. That the armed free-for-all is our natural state of existence in a “civilized“ world, and that war is the normal state of affairs.

            Something in us senses that the control fear has over our minds must be relinquished, and if not even for a short time, chaos must again rule the streets before the real global criminals: the banksters, the military gangsters, and the corrupt governments learn that they can‘t control a people whos have realized that they want their innocence back. That they won’t accept a world filled with crime for their childrens eyes and ears. Revolution is really be to live in a world where everyone could put down the gun, and genuinely try to heal these sickness, mental, environmental, and physical

We don’t always drink Michelob Ultra, but when we do, it’s cause we’re stealing it from Audri’s fridge while working on the Florida Spring Cleaning Project. Friday on May 23rd, buy art to save Florida’s springs and manatees!

Studio Cental 

next to KOPPER KITCHEN

5662 Central Ave. 

St. Pete, FL

Fri. May 23rd

8am-midnight

Art. Refreshments. Funny people.

The Nightly Noodle Monthly interviews a real Florida manatee for this upcoming benefit Friday, May 23rd at 5562 Central Ave. in St. Pete, FL from 8am-midnight. All proceeds of sold art goes to regulating the cleaning of the springs on a legislative level and protecting manatees.

Christian rex Van Minnen
I Have Something To Tell You